Planet Peschel's Remembrance of Cruises Past

By Bill Peschel
Of The Patriot-News

The panic first set in at the food court at Orlando International Airport. I was drinking a cup of "gourmet" coffee that tasted of axle grease, wedged into a molded-plastic booth with my wife and children and my leg guarding our baggage from thieves. An elderly man passed by, holding aloft a Disney-emblazoned clipboard and leading a gaggle of people toward the buses. That's when we realized that we had been cast adrift, left to fend for ourselves in the chaotic world without the cheerful help of Joe, Raj, Kumai, Rachel the Cruise Director, Captain Tom, and of course, Mickey and Minnie.

Our son had won a contest sponsored by McDonalds, so the four of us were flown to Orlando, where we were loaded aboard the Disney Wonder and shipped to Nassau, Freeport and Disney's private beach Castaway Cay, before being returned to the airport for our flight home. Along the way, we were comforted, entertained and well-fed, our every whim catered to, where the hardest decision to make was to choose between seeing "Pearl Harbor" or the live "Disney Dreams" show.

Hakuna matata doesn't come any easier.

A cruise is expected to be an all-inclusive floating resort with changing scenery. But a trip aboard the Wonder or its sister ship, the Magic, is nothing less than full-immersion Disney. It means round-the-clock showings of movies and cartoons, live-action shows, encounters with costumed characters, and, of course, plenty of opportunities to buy Disney merchandise.

It's also the place to see odd cultural minglings, such as the reggae version of "Country Roads" played softly during dinner by a trio of Freeport musicians. Or watching the mothers and daughters, many clutching autograph books, at the "Party of the Princesses," as they're shuttled for photo opportunities among Snow White, Cinderella, Alice and Wendy -- the latter's presence causing considerable discussion as to her princess credentials.

It was a cruise where you can watch "Atlantis," where an indigenous people survives an invasion from European invaders with help from Michael J. Fox, then go to dinner being served by workers from the Philippines or Indonesia, two of the 62 countries from which workers were hired to crew the ship.

Disney's particular genius in organization and crowd control developed from their theme parks became apparent from the moment we landed in Orlando. We were met at the airport and led to the buses for the hour-long ride to Port Canaveral. At the terminal, we were checked in and issued a smart card that's a combination stateroom key, passport control and credit card. Lock away your car keys, wallet, purse and other gee-gaws of real life in your room's safe. The card is the only thing you need. (Once aboard, you can remove from your children's cards the ability to charge purchases.)

The Wonder's design made it easy to navigate the corridors and decks. The three-floor atrium, dominated by a multicolored Dale Chihuly chandelier, forms the hub. Two decks offered access to the outside, and the majority of offerings were available on two more decks. Moving from the front of the ship to the back was limited to corridors on the port side.

Two differences characterize the difference between Disney and other cruises: no casinos and lots of kids. Of the 2,400 passengers, at least one-third were 18 and younger.

Not surprisingly, most of the organized mandatory fun is aimed at the under-18 crowd, which gives the adults the chance to make their own fun. Children between three and eight can be dropped off at the Oceaneer Club, while those between 9 and 12 can attended the Oceaneer Lab. Both offer programs and activities that can last until midnight, and parents are given beepers to tell them when it's time to pick their little darlings up. For an extra fee, babysitting is available for infants.

If your teens don't want to hang with mom and dad, there are programs for them, as well as a club. An small arcade room offers video-game diversions, paid for with special cards charged with a limited amount of cash.

As for food, the Wonder offers the usual array of snacks on the pool deck: hamburgers, fries, ice cream, fruit; several types of rolls for those who get up before breakfast, and, my favorite, the station that dispenses around the clock hot chocolate, teas and coffee.

While breakfast and lunch is free-form, seating assignments for dinner is spread among two sittings in the three restaurants: Animator's Palate, where the children were fascinated by the black-and-white artwork turning into color on the walls, the tropical-theme Parrot Cay and the more formal Triton's (a fourth restaurant, Palo, is available by reservation only).

For dinner, you are assigned a table number, and as you move from restaurant to restaurant, your waiters move with you. This gives you more personalized service the invitations to buy bottles of wine to accompany to dinner vanished after we made clear our lack of interest in it. it also encourages tipping. This was made entertainingly obvious during dinner on the last night, when the entire staff suddenly vanished, only to reappear, after a rousing speech from the co-managers asking us to applaud the chef and the service, to an Olympic-athlete style march, complete with national flags, to the strains of "It's A Small World After All."

Breakfast and lunch are served buffet-style, while dinner offers selections from five appetizers, entrees and desserts. The range allowed for dishes both familiar and adventurous; from grilled sirloin with market vegetables and fried sweet potatoes to a dozen escargot served with garlic and butter, or pan-fried grouper with mashed yucca and papaya relish. (Alternative menus are available for those with religious and dietary needs, if Disney is informed when the cruise is booked.) A cruise line's reputation can ride on the quality of its food, and on the Wonder the food was copious and flavorful.

Our room on the second deck may be steerage, but it was the nicest steerage you could imagine. At 214 square feet, there wasn't an inch of wasted space, but still room for two bathrooms (sink and toilet in one, sink and shower in the other), a couch that turned into a bunk bed for the kids, and a queen-size bed behind a curtain for the adults.

The lack of a card room and library were keenly felt, and the fiction offerings in the store were limited to a dozen paperback titles.

Otherwise, entertainment for adults only consists of a pool near the front of the ship and three nightclubs: a quiet piano-bar lounge and clubs for dancing and for comedy.

Like they do with the children, crew members were down here making sure everyone was having a good time. It was fun watching "Disco Dave," a crew member dressed in blonde shag wig, purple vest and bell-bottoms, rehearse in a hallway behind the club five guests shanghaied into appearing on stage during a ‘70s party as the Village People. Given the proper hats, Dave ran them through the choreography for "YMCA" and earnestly pumped them up for their performance: "Jump and turn, just like that, that's perfect. You guys need to shake your butts like crazy and you need to go hog-wild crazy, because you guys are the stars tonight."

But the highlight of the trip for me was the "Meet the Captains" event in the atrium, watching Captain Tom, a 30-year veteran of the sea from Sweden, escorting down one staircase Minnie Mouse, fashionably dressed in a marabou trim lace evening gown with a feather-trimmed tia ra, while Staff Captain Guus performed the same service down the other staircase with Mickey in a tuxedo.

While a pianist provided soft jazz versions of songs like "Dream A Little Dream" and "Cabaret," there followed a long procession of passengers lining up to be photographed with the couples.

At one point, a group of 20 passengers appear, and there is much jostling, with Minnie posed on the floor in front of them all, with the captain moved to the extreme edge. He may drive the boat, but everyone knows who the star really is.

Sidebar: Advice for first-time cruisers

Duty-free items are available at discounts, but know your prices first, especially for liquor and cigars.

Be prepared for noise. Lots of it. The music at two of the three pools is fairly insistent, and in the theaters and shows it can bother more sensitive ears.

Photography: instant cameras are fine for outdoors shots but poor for indoors.

Place reservations for off-shore excursions and for the Palo restaurant as soon as you board. Spa reservations can be more problematic; discounts were offered on the last day to fill spaces.

The Caribbean sun can be tough on sensitive skin. Wear sunscreen if you're going out for the day, especially on the beach at Castaway Cay.

With younger kids, don't worry so much about filling their days with activities. They'll be overwhelmed with the new experience as it is, and just sitting in the lobby watching the glass-encased elevators go up and down with you can be fun.

Relax.